A sorry tale about dentures and a receptionist.
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So here goes: Eating a salad I detected something very hard. A tooth had detached from a denture. My NH/Private dentist was around the corner so I popped in.
The little woman with glasses behind the counter looked mildly phased. She enquired what I wanted as if she had caught me, uninvited in her back yard. I told her my tooth had come away and she looked at me vacantly.
"What is your name?" she demanded without a hint of a smile, and then tapped away at her computer as if she was registering a dog.
With great seriousness and a huge sigh, she told me that their usual technician was away on holiday until next Monday, so they had to send it away to Truro and it would return the next day.
"Do you have a spare denture?" she enquired. "You need to bring it in at ten."
"Oh right" I replied.
Now as she tapped she started to make sounds of doubt and frustration. (My powers of description fail at this point. The reader will just have to imagine what they would be)
I asked, "Is there a problem?"
"Oh yes well, it seems you haven't been in for over three years (Oh how time flies I thought) and after that you are removed from our patient list, so we can't help you."
"Really?" I replied. "How was I supposed to know you had such a rule? Don't you think the Practice should inform the the patient before taking such a step?"
"Oh no" she replied, "it's for the patient to come in and find out."
"What would be the reason for doing so unless the patient knew such a rule existed?" I replied.
"You might have moved away!" she said.
"I've only been at my present address for forty years" I retorted.
"Well that is the rule the Practice Manager has applied" she added."If you were a private patient different rules apply."
"I AM a private patient. I paid for these dentures privately here!"
This appeared to fluster her greatly and she stared to back track.
"Oh well I will check to see if there is a 'slot' for tomorrow then" as she returned to her computer.
"Excuse me", I said, "but what do you mean - 'A slot'? We have already established the protocol of a man leaving for Truro at 10.30 am tomorrow and for me to be here by 10.00 a.m. Why for a private patient would you need to look for a 'slot' as if one might not actually exist and you are doing me a big favour in looking for it?"
At this point I ran out of patience. "I'll tell you what," I said, "I will wait for your local man to return from holiday next Monday, and go straight to him direct."
She looked quizzically at me as if I had said something amazingly profound and a great relief.
"Well if you can wait that would probably be best and much cheaper for you."
"What is his name and where can I find him?" I enquired, recalling that she had said he was their regular technician they used for denture repairs.
"Andrew" she said, "He's at the top of Causeway Head."
"Is that his Christian name or Surname and do you know the number of the property?"
"I don't know. Just ask for Andrew."
As I left I made my dissatisfaction very clear. Hopefully I won't need a dentist in the foreseeable future.
I rode to Causeway Head and went in the Fish and Chip shop and discovered within minutes not only the details the surgery was unable to supply, but also in this technician's absence, an alternative close by, which I found.
Again, despite it being ten to five, and the technician gone home for the day, the secretary very politely asked me to come back the next morning when the tooth would be re-fixed.
This my friend is the bureaucratic state of National Health dentistry in Britain today. As this inadequate employee was pleased to state, "We operate two systems here, National Heath on the ground floor and Private upstairs."
I came out of there feeling as if I had temporarily entered some sort of gulag, where people presenting themselves were made to feel like insignificant cogs in an impersonal machine, looking for any excuse to deny access to anyone expecting other than private treatment.
Only the rudeness and incompetence came free and I hope to God I never have to go back.
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